01 Jan 2014 18:13:58
So. A little sore after the night before, I decide to put myself through the torture of a certain Saturday football show, hosted by Mr Stelling. Perhaps the clueless panel were effected by the strong scent of formaldehyde. After several hours brown nosing City, Utd, Chelsea, Liverpool & Spurs we finally get to Stoke v Everton. We were treated to 30 mins during which our entire team was dismantled and sold off. Nothing about our football, our league position, our run of form, our manager, potential signings or even the game itself. No. This was all about the car boot sale at Goodison. Listening to them speak, perhaps I should pitch up to the Tate gallery with pocket change and the whiff of a bargain. For if I had one quadzillionth of this lots cheek I would depart with an original Monet in mint condition and enough change to treat myself to a Pot Noodle for dinner.

Predictably, they start with Ross Barkley. According to McInally & Walsh, "he's going to end up at Man Utd, no doubt about it". The camera pans to Merson trying to nod his head. No questions. There wasn't even a counter argument. We would "have to accept an offer of between £25-30m because we are a selling club and Rooney was sold to Utd for £30m". It's as if it were yesterday. I guess they hadn't noticed the increased annual cost of their bronzing trips to the Costa Del Sol. Mind you, Inflation used to play up front for Brazil? Right Mers?

We move on to Shemus Coleman who is lauded by Stelling as "The best right back in the league". Oh, apart from Zabaleta ofcourse. Anyway, apparently he's off as well. And who needs a right back? You guessed it. Man Utd. "An offer of £15m would do the trick", Merson slurs, his tongue gently sliding out the side of his mouth due a sudden increase in brain activity. He speaks with such satisfaction as the rest of the panel purr over his every word. Please Mers, can I have some more?

And more I shall have. What would any football show be without a bit of Leighton Baines transfer gossip. Did you know Utd need a left back as well? I hadn't heard that one. So having already sold Barkley and Coleman for a sum not fit to pay the insurance of their left feet, we are going to sell them Baines too. Do they want some fries with that? Hell, il add the shirt off my back and drive 'em to Old Trafford myself. And when we are finished in the shower they can put a leash on me and walk me to the park. I'll even perform tricks and fetch the newspaper.

{Ed025's Note - good stuff max..

1.) 01 Jan 2014
Ha ha great post max, I also seen that today I was fuming, shouting at the telly.Just where do these idiotss get off? While I am happy to be going about our business quietly and slipping in under the radar but hey! give credit where due, this shower are loath to give us any.

2.) 01 Jan 2014
Excellent post Maximilliano. I don't think I've heard 1 pundit yet say that Barkley would be best served by staying at Everton, The ex-pro's you have mentioned, the persons that sit on MOTD, the fools on 606, G Neville, J Rednapp, they all can't wait to see him in a red shirt (Baines as well for that matter) Every time I see them open their mouths I get wound-up

3.) 01 Jan 2014
Maxi, this is the best thing i've read on any fansite in a while! Have you ever considered taking up a career as a satirical columnist? Great read.

4.) 01 Jan 2014
I watched it and can't say I got that irritated, to be honest. Surely we're used to having the media sell our players for us, aren't we? I was just happy to hear them speak so highly of them before they concluded that they're off. That said, It is annoying the way that's all they talked about; barely a word about our performances or position. Best written post I've read on here in a long time, though.

5.) 01 Jan 2014
Great post max.it drives me mad to listen to anti everton drivel tp.

6.) 01 Jan 2014
Agreed - the usual lazy, ill-informed, cliched opinions by the panellists, apart from Matt Le Tissier who did pipe up about RM's "guarantee" comments and also, while agreeing that "every player has a price", added that "only at the right time".
The panellists might have played the game and know what it's like to be professional footballers, but being pundits doesn't carry the same accountability as managers, etc., who depend on results. Imagine if the pundits only kept their jobs on the success rate of their predictions - not too many I guess!
Besides, I wonder how many of the panellists have the coaching qualifications that actual managers, coaches, etc., need to work in the Premier League or throughout Europe.

7.) 01 Jan 2014
Thats why the're pundits! Not managers. Easy option!

8.) 01 Jan 2014
Good read Maximilliano . 100% in agreement with you . the whole shower of guys on the show aren't in football management in any way . proving they are clueless in such matters when making such comments.

9.) 01 Jan 2014
01 Jan 2014 22:26:57
great post, they have always been the same like when jamie redknapp and michael owen said, oh utd should of got barkley instead of fellaini for about the same price, redknapp I hate the most apart from big nose phil thompson, all redknapp does is slag us off, 'caulker will be one of englands world cup centre halves alongside cahill', yes because phil jagielka is as poor as they come, when gary neville said baines would be decent cover for patrice evra, oh yeah because patrice evra is so much better isn't he and the funniest of all is when glen hoddle said ross barkley will relish champions league football when he goes to utd in january, sorry must of missed the pre contract deal he signed just before you opened your mouth and starting using that deluded brain of yours

Mike-Ox Long

10.) 01 Jan 2014
Loved reading all these posts. You watch these programmes just hopingto get a ggood creditable review and then when you do its just to further feed the egos of the sky 4.

Typical, and not really surprised.

11.) 02 Jan 2014
Great post Max. I didn't see the programme but have heard about it from others.